http://vimeo.com/29987934

http://watchdocumentary.com/watch/the-blue-planet-episode-02-the-deep-video_d5868e445.html#.Tpw9-JsUqdA

Vampyroteuthis infernalis  

Mermaids rock!

 

The Sarcastic Fringehead.


Who does not work at your local record shop.

All I keep thinking whenever I see the thread name is the lyrics to one of the songs we sing in my House for La Balene:

"From the deep, from the deep,
From the deep come and join us
From the deep, from the deep,
From the deep bring us joy

On your waves
Dance with us
From your waves
Sing us your love!"

-E-

Four-inch amoeba from the Mariana Trench

"Xenophyophores are marine protozoans. They feed by sifting through
sediments on the sea floor, excreting a slimy substance as they move
along. With populations reaching densities of 2000 individuals in 100m² are, the slime carpet can resemble Zerg Creep."

Nothing you say will convince me that 4-inch amoebas are not being controlled psionically by the Deep Ones.

Especially not now I've read this.  So they can get up to eight horrible squamous inches across and they secrete a form of organic cement?  In what sense are we not now talking about a Shoggoth?

My theory is that our deep-rooted horrorfear of the incomprehensibly terrifying and unknowably huge octopods/pulsing gelatinous things (PGTs) that fold out of the dark and cosmic abyss, to tear apart everything we know and hold dear, comes for our genetic memories of the living fear of the incomprehensibly terrifying and unknowably huge octopods/PGTs that once folded out of the dark abyss, bigger than comprehension to tear apart everything we knew and held dear.

Oh! And did somebody say Hagfish?

Shut up about hagfish!  ARGHHHHHHHHHHh

I love hagfish. With their little jawless faces. 

It's a hagfish party!

deep-rooted horrorfear of the incomprehensibly terrifying and unknowably huge octopods/pulsing gelatinous things

I do actually have - or used to have - not had for a while now, dreams of the sea or bodies of water, with feelings of total terror attached, which grows as I approach the water and enter it. I;ve always wondered what's under the surface but have never quite got done there.

I know now - a barrel of hagfish with clown faces and sinster laughs.

I can't really describe how completely wigged out I am by the whole concept of a four-inch cell.  That's just wrong.  It's wronger than that hairy lobster thing, even.  Just thinking about it makes me hideously uncomfortable.

I often wonder about the possibility that some kind of alien intelligence has evolved, down in the abyssal or hadopelagic depths. I always tell myself that an intelligent brain is a prodigiously greedy organ in terms of energy, and that energy becomes scarcer the further you get from the sun.  Without such a bountiful source of power, I tell myself, life is surely restricted to forms that are slow and simple, that are parsimonious with fuel. Pale, blind, sedantry and mindless.  So I soothe myself, when the dreams come and the fear takes hold.

Then I remember there's volcanic vents down there and I'm all like SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Mordant: eggs. An ostrich egg. Big, yellow yolk sending out pseudopods.

HAGFISH PARTY WITH TEA AND SCONES

Ostrich eggs turn into ostriches, they do not STAY A THING.  They do not form a weird and unholy alliance with brittlestars and other organisms.  Ostrich eggs don't build delicate frilly or tetrahedral(!!!) structures. Ostrich Eggs Do Not Make More Ostrich Eggs and Track Living Slime Everywhere.  OSTRICH EGGS DO NOT BE REAL LIFE ZERG CREEP.  An egg does bother me a little tbh but ultimately is just a thing trying to be another more normal thing and it can never be as terrible as freaking squamous eight-inch AMOEBAE.

grant said: HAGFISH PARTY WITH TEA AND SCONES

And in the morning I'll fry you up a nice Xenophyophore Omelette to take the edge off the Hagover.

Can't see that Iamus?

Grant - urrrgghhh!

Heston Blumenthal did once serve up a receipe with something like lamprey foam. Oh, here's the extract:


WARNING: Contains the phrase "nerve spaghetti".

Arrrgh. Was showing up to me, probably because it was in the cache. I'll see if I can fix it tonight, although you'll probably wish I hadn't.

They're coming for me.  I just know it.

Lampreys can be trained to do your bidding. This from Neoplatonic philosopher Porphyry:

 "It is also narrated, that some dumb animals obey their masters with more readiness than any domestic servants. Hence, a lamprey was so accustomed to the Roman Crassus, as to come to him when he called it by its name; on which account Crassus was so affectionately disposed towards it, that he exeedingly lamented its death, though, prior to this, he had bourne the loss of three of his children with moderation."

Imagine, your own fleet of attack lamprey.

iamus: WHYYYYYYYYYY

Jesus.

This is Ventricaria ventricosa, a single-celled organism.  It's also known as "Sailors' Eyeballs".


OF COURSE IT IS.

Abbysal Gigantism:  What's bigger than a Giant Squid?  Why, a Colossal Squid, of course.

"Squid are the most intelligent of the invertebrates (animals that lack a backbone), with a brain that is well-developed and larger in proportion to the animal's body than that of most fish and reptiles. They also have a sophisticated nervous system."

And that's just ordinary, common-or-garden squid.  You know what kind of brain a Colossal Squid has?  A Colossal Brain!  A Colossal Squid Brain!

Mordant Carnival said: iamus: WHYYYYYYYYYY

Does that mean the picture is working again? :D

And just by coincidence, today brings us the following headline: Hagfish filmed choking sharks with slime, and actively hunting fish

THE HORROR

There is no such thing as coincidence, it seems...

This would appear to be a good opportunity to shamelessly promote the resident house band.

 

 

Slime made of protein?  All I can think of is, hey, that sounds like it would work beautifully for burn victims.  It's probably cool, viscous/rubbery, and could protect open wounds.  Does anyone here know if it has medicinal properties?  If it had antisceptic attributes it would be awesome!

That's a pretty amazing concept...

Hey, we could genetically engineer a giant hagfish! And farm it for medical slime in a big pit!

BUT WHAT IF IT ESCAPES AND TAKES DOWN LONDON!!!!

Hagfishzilla 1: Eat My Slime. Coming soon, when you least expect it.

I think Shaun Hutson might already have written that.

Is this thread supposed to be only about horrible things? Or can I add this wee adorable cuttlefish of the brightly colored garb?

Oh, well, it IS venomous, I suppose. And it's evolving legs. But still... the cute!

Sheila Patek has dedicated her career to measuring the fastest things in the ocean - the striking claws of a mantis shrimp, which move fast enough to vaporize water and create shock waves. 

Came here to post this awesome BBC video of DEADLY ICE FINGERS OF DEATH: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LMhBuSBemRk

That was pretty fantastic, grant!

Praya dubia, one of the longest creatures on Earth.  Is basically a 40-meter string of fairy lights with a jellyfish for a head. It has a hydrostatic skeleton and needs to live at a certain depth to maintain the correct pressure for its survival. Praya dubia therefore cannot COME FOR US until it learns not to kersplode.  WHICH IT MIGHT.

That is awesome, Mordant. In the original sense, not like a hot dog.

Everything in the deep ocean is primary-sense awesome.

Cracked has a thing on oceans today.

Crossposting from the Top Animals thread: Communication with an octopus named Athena.